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Archived Humor, Witticism, etc

The dreams of a male dummy (25) Gulf of Mexico Oil Spill –A piece of GOOD News?

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Friend:           “The Gulf of Mexico Oil Spill is horrifying.  I remember that you said the other day, The impact of the Gulf of Mexico oil spill will overpower the impact of the Iceland volcano eruption!’ You’re indeed a wise man.”

I:                      “If I say that this oil spill could actually be a bit of good news, would you still think I’m wise?”

F:                     !@#$%?”

I:                      “The bigger the impact of this oil spill is, the lesser the chance we will have more offshore oil drilling.”


When I woke up, I was still on the bed. How come!?  Is it because I did not have a NEGATIVE dream? Or, my beloved wife did not share the bed with me, so I did not have a NEGATIVE dream!?  


The dreams of a male dummy (24) Global Warming or Cooling?

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Friend:           “It’s been quite cool lately!  Global warming is cooling down, isn’t it?”

I:                      “It’s a temporary and local phenomenon, I think.” 

F:                     “Is that all?”

I:                      “Nature is playing a game with us, if you like.”

F:                     “Don’t try to confuse me.”

I:                      “It’s getting cool, and we may think global warming isn’t true or isn’t urgent; some might even think it’s just a political conspiracy. So, we might start taking it easy in terms of responding to global climate change, and Nature will start sending us even bigger Tsunamis.”

Bang!  Bang!  I was outside the bed.  And, my beloved wife was screaming:

Tsunami! Tsunami!  Which direction are they coming from?”



The dreams of a male dummy (23) Dow on wild ride

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Friend:  “What is going on with the Dow?  I have never seen such wildness in the market.

I:          “One of the things is people’s fears about the spread of the European debt crisis.”

F:          “Oh!  The debt of Greece and the rest of Europe is terrifying.  If Greece were to go into default, how many others would follow?  Before, the government bailed out the private companies.  Now, the private sector is relatively calm. … ”

I:             “I believe most of our state governments are in deep debt. So now, we should promote the private companies to get ready to bail out the governments.”

Bang!  Bang!  I was outside the bed.  And, my beloved wife was screaming:

 “What are you talking about? Governments’ problems are …; I prefer not to spell out here.  If private companies should try to bail out governments, most likely, sooner or later, they would need some being to bail them out before governments are in any kind of good shape.”



The dreams of a male dummy (22) Gulf of Mexico Oil Spill vs. Iceland Volcano Eruption

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Friend:  “The oil spill is pretty scaring, and is getting worse.”

I:          “How do you think it compares with the volcano eruption in Iceland?”

F:         “How can you compare?  One is man-made, and the other is natural.”

I:          “I’m talking about their impacts.”

F:         “I’m not an expert on either one.  What are your thoughts?”

I:          “Do you remember learning in middle school biology that, ‘Human beings will overpower Nature’?”

F:         “Oh, yeah!”

I:          “As you just said, the Gulf of Mexico oil spill is man-made, and the Iceland volcano eruption is Natural.”

F:         “…”

I:          “The impact of Gulf of Mexico oil spill will overpower the impact of Iceland volcano eruption!

Bang!  Bang!  I was outside the bed.  And, my beloved wife was screaming:

“All day, I’ve been overwhelmingly bombarded by the news on the environment, global climate change, or the like.  Now, you’re mumbling about the same things at night too?  Do you want me to have a nervous breakdown!?”


The dreams of a male dummy (21) The World Earth Day

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Friend:           “What’s up, wise man?”

I:          “The ash of the Iceland Volcano is what’s up.  Isn’t Earth Day coming soon?”        

F:         “It’s an omen or what?”

I:          “Let’s say it’s an omen from Nature.  Could we say Nature was kind enough to give us a warning, and to give us another chance?”

F:         “You sound quite negative!”

I:          “A couple years ago, we talked about how bad Brazil’s deforestation of Amazon Rainforest was.  Now, it’s an economic power, the second largest economy in the Americas and the second largest economy in the developing world after China, that’s dominating the news.

F:         “So?”

I:          “How many people realize that the Amazon could shrink by 85% due to climate change?  It’s a pretty miserable situation for everybody!  Sometimes, I can only cheer up by thinking that now I have a good excuse to do things soon, which I’ve been thinking of doing for a long time.  Oh, the other day, you talked about ending your single life.  Any good news?”

F:         “Certainly. How about yours?”

I:          “What do you mean how’s mine?  Are you talking about a concubine?

Bang!  Bang!  I was outside the bed.  And, my beloved wife was screaming:

“Concubine!?  She has to bring a maid with her!  The ashes are over the furniture all the time!”

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